For other observations about the Grand Hyatt Melbourne, click here.

It is important for readers to note that the word ‘service’ is misleading when used in business. Anyone reading this would be mistaken if they assumed that a customer wants free attention or any love and affection or any cow-towing. When a company does not provide service, or does not deliver a service, that company is admitting to stealing money. Service is not a nice-to-do to make people feel good. A lack of service is theft.

I was complaining about the hotel staff disturbing me, even after I had hit the roof and spoken with the duty manager who assured me that it would not happen again… only for it to happen again. I had asked not to be disturbed. I was disturbed. What did the hotel serve-up as an excuse? They said, ‘Our house keepers are under instruction that after a certain time they have to make contact with a room to ensure there has not been any accidents or incidents. However in your case with instruction on your sleeping pattern this was not relayed to our house keeping operations department, for which we do apologize.’

Let’s put aside the fact that the duty manager had assured me that she had spoken with the culprits and their supervisor. For now, let us deal with this heart-warming gesture of concern by the hotel to make contact with a room after a certain time. What kind of time? For how long must a guest go underground before housekeeping must intervene? I’ve heard excuses and apologies in my time, but this one is the best by far. The only problem was, it does not make sense. So, after a long wait, and several calls and emails to follow-up with the hotel about ignoring my complaint, and after this comical excuse by the hotel (along with an offer of a $50 voucher which I refused), I responded thus:

In all my years of travel, I have never been told that hotel staff must make contact in the way you described.

1:00 pm and 2:00 pm are not excessive spans of inactivity. What triggered the concern on the part of the staff? One of those interruptions that woke me was on a Saturday around 1:30 pm. Are you seriously telling me that a guest who is not out of their room by 1.30 pm on a Saturday will be contacted for their own safety? If so, I will assist you to spread this policy all over the internet so that all travellers can start to behave themselves and accommodate your policies.

As for my request not being relayed to housekeeping, I find that casts a shadow of unfair incompetence on the duty manager with whom I spoke and who seemed concerned that such a thing should happen in the first instance. She had assured me most emphatically that she would follow the matter up personally by contacting the head of housekeeping. She called me back forty minutes later and confirmed that she had followed-up as she had promised. So how was it that even after the duty manager intervened, the same interruption took place? This points to more endemic issues than someone not being told.

I have been staying at your hotel for many years, long before the name changed to Rendezvous Auckland. On this occasion I stayed for seven days. Two months prior I was there for nine days. And such has been the pattern for over ten years.

If a hotel were concerned about a guest, they would be admired if the guest had missed a wake-up call or a known check-out time, or if the guest showed absolutely no activity whatsoever. I had borrowed two umbrellas on different days that were logged to my name and room… I had meals delivered at odd hours after 2:00 am… I had spoken with your staff about internet access twice. I had called down to book a taxi in my name and to my room. I had twice left large boxes at the front desk (with a range of calls to check on them). I had a courier delivery that was delivered to my room comprising one large 28 kg box. I had another courier delivery three days later comprising four heavy boxes that were delivered to my room. I had placed a large framed glass certificate at the front desk for a third-party to collect and I enquired about this on three occasions. I was on pleasant terms with your doorman and concierge. I had twice gone down to ask your receptionist for a copy of a letter, and once over the phone. Other activity was evident such as when I had phoned your hotel operator to ask about two personnel, and to ask for a phone number.

My room access card gives you computer monitoring, I presume. And your team could have seen from my card the times I swipe. You can see a lot of activity, including many visits to the gym and phone logs… All this activity is not the pattern of a guest that had gone underground or become a recluse or a hermit. This was a guest who made it perfectly clear that he was in the hotel. A simple query would have allayed any fear of a potentially dormant guest who might have been in pain or agony behind closed doors. A guest who upon check-in asked for a quiet location. A guest who so needed to sleep that he placed yellow packing tape against the curtains to block out the light, and such tape would have been evident and obvious to the housekeeping staff.

The new hotel manager wrote to apologise and asked me what I wanted. I said that I do not want anything. I offer him my assistance and wished him well.

This was the original letter that was ignored:

…There is absolutely no reason at all that I would need to stay at your hotel, if it were not for the need to sleep.

On one of the days, one of your housekeeping staff phoned me to ask if she could clean my room. She knew that I had the DND light on because she had placed a card under my door. I have never understood why housekeeping thinks that phoning is not a form of disturbing. When she rang, I was asleep. I keep odd hours. I work late nights…

So I explained to the lady that it is pointless to wake me up to ask me if the DND light was real or not. I called downstairs and complained. I was told that they will have a word with her. Why should staff be trained at my expense? How would anyone from your management team like me to phone them at 1:00 am to ask them a silly question. My 1:00 pm is like their 1:00 am.

Then two days later, the doorbell rang. I got out of bed, and the woman asked me if I wanted my room serviced. I did not utter a word, because it would have been unpleasant. She kept talking, explaining that she had placed a card (which she bent down to retrieve) and kept trying to find the words to communicate with a guest who refused to utter a single word. She saw that I was just out of bed, disheveled, and half asleep. While she spoke, I kept pressing the DND button, flashing the light in protest. She apologised and walked away.

I called down and spoke with a Tracy I think. She said she would have a word with the woman.

I do not care what your policy is or what it should be or who did or did-not do the right thing. I pay for a service, which is four walls. We have an international agreement that says ‘Do not disturb’. Nothing more should be said.

Why take my money and not deliver on the absolute basic thing?

Other ‘do not disturb’ incidents are mentioned in this article.

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THIS?

Hotels and retailers understand ‘the power of the brand’, but they do not embrace ‘the way of the brand’. Imagine the production line at Cartier or Tiffany or Prada. Imagine the manufacturing processes at Porsche or Bently. Imagine the assembly belts at BMW or Bang & Olufsen. Do you think that any worker from any shift can alter the specifications? No way! Strict, almost religious processes must be followed. More importantly than the processes is the ethos. The way of life. They fixation. The art. The insistence and intolerance to anything that deviates from the brand. So you see, each brand must be nurtured within a religious, jealous, zealous environment that will not tolerate anything that jeopardises the brand promise; not because we love customers so much, but because we love our art and our craft and our integrity and what we stand for, and why we exist.

When it comes to hotels and hospitals and retailers and service providers, they seem to presume that their brand is alive, so long as they have a logo to prove it. Nay. Having fancy websites with grand mission statements will achieve nothing. They must find a way to be consistent. They need to foster a religion that sweeps their staff along a track from which it would be shameful and sinful to deviate.

In this article, some people might assume that I was just complaining about two staff members breaking company policy. No, it is dozens of staff members destroying their brand, and taking my money without delivering on the core service. What triggered this article was not so much the bad service, but the bad ways in which they ignored my requests and emails over a long period of time. In my book, ‘How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People’, I said, ‘The single most important element in customer service is speed’. In a chapter about customer service, I added:

There is an element to customer service that focuses on complaints resulting from faulty or incompatible goods and/or broken promises. Chief executive officers must carefully study why certain issues arise. If organisations do not manufacture robust products, or if they send out service technicians who perform half-hearted tasks, the organisations deserve to be out of business. Chief executive officers whose production lines still pump out substandard products do not deserve one moment’s rest. Senior executives cannot ethically command a salary so long as they cheat the customer by taking good money only to deliver rubbish, frustrations, and broken promises in return. Furthermore, profits are lost every time an error is made or a faulty product is replaced.

Therefore, such floundering is a disservice to shareholders — and what could be more irresponsible than that? Many organisations fail to realise that once customers have paid for their goods or services, they have exchanged money for whatever was given in return. Money is predictable. It works every time. It does not need service calls, nor is it ever faulty. The exchange is a very safe bet (notwithstanding fraud). Whether it be exchanged for bananas or a new computer, fault-free money is given in good faith. Imagine if money were as susceptible to faults as the product for which it was exchanged, thereby ‘inheriting’ the qualities of the product. This would mean that every time the operating system on your computer froze, the money you paid for it would freeze in the bank or wherever it is at the time. What if every time your toaster failed to work, or you bought apples that tasted like chalk, the money that you used to buy these items also failed or perished? What if there were some metaphysical link associated with each transaction? What would become of certain rich people who have amassed their wealth through lies and deceit? How successful would some organisations be today if they were accountable through a ‘law of inheritance’? This would be a scary notion indeed. As the networked world develops, more of this kind of accountability will befall organisations that can least afford it. Financial ‘ancestry’ would prohibit corporations from building their empires on money taken from customers who were given shoddy products. There is also the issue of ‘unfair exchange’. Any organisation that seeks to make a profit from its goods or services ought to come to terms with the fact that it is not doing the customer any favours. When a customer exchanges money for a new chair, the customer is the one doing the company a favour. In exchange for one chair, the customer is paying the retailer for the chair’s original cost, plus a little extra to help pay for expenses and overheads, plus more free money for the retailer’s personal bank account.

The greatest of frustrations for travellers stems from the utter disregard to a concept that hoteliers find foreign: that some guests really want to use a hotel room to rest their weary bones.

Travellers arrive at their hotel after long-hours and tiring-queues (or is it tiring-hours and long-queues?). Guests are promised a ‘home away from home’. After being shunted and shoved, they look forward to the end-point: a room that they can call their own. They want territorial rights over their patch for a few days. Guests do not rent rooms. Instead, they fancy themselves as temporary owners. Sadly, upon arrival, they are reminded that they are not in charge of anything. ‘Sorry, the room won’t be ready until after 2:00 pm.’ More bossing about. More waiting. ‘Sign here. Would you like us to store your luggage while you walk the promenade like a vagrant?’ When guests (clients really) finally enter the room, they realise that the only power they have is to decide whether or not to place the DND sign on the door-handle.

Before we accelerate to a frenzy, let’s start with some light relief. The Grand Hyatt Melbourne underwent a $45 million upgrade. I stayed at the hotel twice during the jackhammers and several times recently, and heaps of times previously. Judging by the noise and the dust, we were all expecting a Grander Hyatt. Indeed, the fixtures and fittings are lovely. But riddle me this: on what was the $45,000,000 spent? I would like to see the breakdown. What was the most expensive item? The sculpture? The consulting fees paid to the engineers? The builders and their labourers? The marble? Something must have taken the cake. What was the most expensive item? Now let us go down the list to find the least expensive item. What was it? I am going to stick my neck out and confidently guess that the cheapest, easiest, simplest, least complicated product to specify, to design, to outsource, and to manufacture, was the ‘Do not disturb’ sign. Alas, they stuffed it up, big time.

So, they spend $45 million. And for what? A better hotel? No. Just a shinier one, a larger one, a more luxurious one. A fancier one. A more stylish one. But is the hotel made better as a result of $45 million worth of marble, brass, crystal, and silk? Thrice no! The core of the business did not change. What is the core? To provide rooms for guests. Sure, the Hyatt makes money from food and beverage (or should I say beverage and food, in that order), and from laundry and functions, and parties and conferences. But what are all those 547 rooms doing up in the sky? The rooms are the core of the hotel. And part of the core is the promise of a restful sleep amidst ‘the epitome of luxury’ with a brand that says, ‘You’re more than welcome’. My goodness, what is it to be ‘more’ than welcome? The Hyatt mission says, ‘…provide authentic hospitality by making a difference in the lives of the people we touch every day…’

Clients not only want to sleep, but also want to watch TV and cuddle and make love and hide from the world while they lounge-about in their Calvin Kleins or in their birthday suit. This core activity is done in private, and, more importantly, at the client’s own pace. You see, humans look the same in their Rolex and Ray Bans, but on the inside, they operate at different speeds, and carry baggage that no-one will get to see. Some guests are there on business. Some arrive to attend a funeral. Some check-in with their heavy burdens, while others check-out with a lonely heart. Some are lost. Others are searching. They all carry the American Express card as they ebb and flow through the foyer, masking their complex lives with a smile. (After twenty years of membership, this week I destroyed my American Express card because I was fed-up with being treated like a number.)

Hotels have it tough. They are the last straw in a long line of inconvenience. Airports, traffic, late flights, cancelled connections, lost luggage, take your shoes off, empty your pockets, your bags are too heavy, sorry you can’t take that on board, sit-back, relax, and enjoy the flight, but first, turn everything off, and sorry we can’t land yet due to a badger let loose on the tarmac. (Last week, during some thunderstorms, our pilot said that we cannot leave the flight.

When guests reach a hotel, they arrive with luggage and hidden baggage. The hotel is where the buck stops, after domestics and struggles. By the way, on a recent flight, the pilot would not let us off this flight, due to potential lightning strikes. If the aeroplane is safe, why can't the aero-bridge be made equally safe? The flight was late then delayed. After a long journey in frightening turbulence, we were stranded on the tarmac. When we finally reached our hotel, we would have reached the end of our tether. I almost forgot to mention that after being let off, it took over 50 minutes for the priority bags to emerge on the conveyor belts, while my driver was kept waiting at my expense.

Click on the green arrow to play the recording of the pilot explaining this delay.

Let’s get back to the Grand Hyatt Melbourne. After spending $45 million, they splurged on new ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs. This would have been the cheapest item on the list. A card with a string. Yet, this represents the most important aspect of the business: a client’s desire to cocoon, to rest, to hibernate, to escape, to unwind, to slow down, to play, to be left alone and consume the service in their own way. When guests place that DND sign, they are issuing a directive and an order. They are saying, ‘Unless the hotel is on fire, leave me alone, go away, don’t knock, don’t ring, don’t make noise outside, don’t chit chat, don’t bang doors and drawers next door, don’t go knocking on every door down the corridor while announcing, ‘Mini Bar!’ with the same sense of urgency as they used to cry, “Bring out your dead!”‘. That sign means, ‘Please tip-toe if you are in the area’. It means, ‘Don’t clang cutlery and crockery. Don’t disturb the peace.’ How else can I put it? ‘I want to be left alone. I want peace. I want quiet.’ Well, little chance of that! Click this to hear what I had to put up with on my last visit a few weeks ago. One of my managers felt that we were being too harsh on a hire-car company when our letter of appointment stipulated over forty specific requirements when they send a driver to pick me up. And now I just realised that I need to add a new item to the other list for hotels: I do not want a room that has an adjoining door. Here’s why… (This noise went on and on; made worse when the mother lost her temper a few times. The sound came through that door, as if the family were living inside my room.)

Let me test your powers of observation. Take a look at this, being the new sign that emerged after the $45 million upgrade. What do you notice? First, you can see the terminology. It is no longer assuring the guests that they will not be disturbed. It is simply saying that the hotel will try to give people privacy. Meaning what? ‘Please do not barge-in without knocking?’ Do you mean to say that if that sign were not displayed, our privacy would be violated? Language please! Whatever do they mean? Anyway, what else have you observed? Take a look at that string. Who designed it? Never let designers and decision-makers next to a project where they do not understand the end-user’s perspective. This product would have been a cinch to mock-up. It could have been road-tested within minutes. So why was it never tested? Why was it implemented? Why is it still being used?

When hung on the door handle, the sign swings with the wind. No matter how you position it, it will move. The problem is, that on one side it says ‘Privacy please’ and on the other side it says ‘Please make up my room’. At one of the times I stayed at the hotel, the housekeeping staff disturbed me out of bed. When I mentioned the sign, knowing full well that the housekeeper was not to blame (much), the woman said that she can never be sure which way the sign was meant to face. And there you have it. A $45 million upgrade within one of the world’s most experienced hotel chains, and they can’t get the most important thing right. The most important things is a client’s rest, because they pay for a room in order to rest, otherwise they can just walk the streets all night long. Humans need to sleep. A sad and inefficient fact of life. So resting and not being disturbed while resting, is the most important aspect at the core of a hotel. Why won’t people grasp that concept? So I engaged in conversation with her. That’s a great way I conduct a lot of my research. Speak with people at the front line. The woman was powerless. If she had her way, she would get rid of these silly signs. They cause problems. Why can’t she walk into the General Manager’s office and point this out? Who knows. She could be weak. Or the culture could be so intimidating and so uninviting, that a lowly junior would never think to step outside her station. Yes we can blame the staff for not sticking their neck out about their observations. But come on… this is not a hidden problem in an isolated area. It is a sign that is hanging out in the open, for all to see. How many managers work at that hotel? Do they not have eyes to see? So please, let’s take it easy on the housekeeping staff and realise that the whole business lacks management skills.

Forget the hole in the middle. Punch a hole on either side and re-thread the string. Now the sign can never twist and turn.

Twice I was disturbed by this stupid sign. So I stopped using it. I ripped the top half of the breakfast menu that one is supposed to hang on the handle. I wrote, ‘Do not disturb’ and hung it on the door, thinking that the instruction is explicit. Overnight, some helpful housekeeper had taken my make-shift sign and replaced it with one of the problematic ones. So I was back to square one. You could not script a funnier world. I was at the hotel again a few weeks ago, and they still use the signs, and have been doing do for over one year. I noticed that they had knotted them slightly differently, but the problem remains. Fix the bloody things. It must be the cheapest thing to fix. So easy, so cheap, so important. Why can’t anyone engage the brain? The Hyatt group runs 415 branded properties in 45 countries. That’s plenty of experience to be getting on with. Why can’t they sort out one a simple matter that affects every guest every time, big time. A small matter. A big problem. Easily fixed. No-one cares.

If the Hyatt is reading this article, allow me to show you how you can fix this problem in 20 seconds flat. Grab a hole-puncher from your desk, and hey-presto. See my sample in the photo on the left. Dead simple. Twice I was woken up! What’s the jolly point of hiring a bed to sleep on, when I cannot sleep if you keep waking me to ask if I need my room cleaned? Some hotels have strange shifts and weird performance measurements for their staff, which results in over-enthusiasm to get into a room and service it before a certain time, or at a rate of ‘so many rooms per hour’. Stuff the sleeping client. Hotels would be so much better without guests.

THE BLATANT DING DONG

While staying at Hyatt Regency Coolum, I was woken to the sound of the doorbell. Here is how I describe the incident in a letter to the hotel: After that horrible first night, I managed to get to sleep at around 8:00 am. At 9:25 am, the doorbell rang. I called out, but no-one answered, so I went to the door in time to see the small buggy driving off. Outside my door were two totes, containing the fresh linen. I had the ‘Do not disturb’ sign hanging outside, so why did housekeeping deliver the linen and press the doorbell? …If a tree had fallen through the window, or if flooding had necessitated an evacuation, one would put it down to Mother Nature. If a gas bottle had exploded or if a buggy had ploughed through the door, one could understand human nature, and accept that unfortunate mistakes and errors do happen. However, a staff member ringing the doorbell, knowing that the guest was checked-in for three days, and knowing that there is no major function or conference to which one would need to rush, what can it be other than complete and utter disrespect? This was not an oversight. It was not an error. It was not an accident. It was not an inadvertent slip-up. This was not lack of training. It was nothing more than pre-meditated disrespect of the highest order, born of a management structure that boasts about world-class facilities, yet allows staff to break the codes of conduct and therefore destroy the Hyatt brand that hangs its hat on its understanding of the customer… Any person who shows a blatant disregard to hotel guests must also exhibit this level of disdain within other aspects of the business. This means that the colleagues and managers are blind, or they are all of the same ilk, to allow this type of behaviour to continue. (You can read my full report about Hyatt Regency Coolum here.)

RING RING

At another time, while staying at Hyatt Regency Coolum, and the same goes for most hotels in which I have stayed, the staff seem to think that they can telephone a room to ask you if you really mean to have the ‘do not disturb’ sign out there. It’s like sending someone an email, and then phoning them to say I have sent you an email, and they text back to say that they received it and your send them a note of thanks via the post. How many brain cells does it take to work out that phoning a room to disturb, is as disturbing as ringing the door bell or knocking on the door (or barging in, if you please, as has happened to me often enough around the world). They just walk in. Before you know it, the staff are in your room. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ I yelled at a silly woman towering over me while at an expensive 5-star hell-hole in Singapore. ‘I need to lock the mini bar.’ I told her that my check-out time was 4:00 pm. Why is she disturbing me at 9:00 am? Waking me up, just by walking in, despite the DND sign outside. ‘Yes, but it is our policy to lock the mini-bar.’ How many murders have there been at hotels?

Anyway, back at Coolum, during another stay, someone phoned my room. When I picked up, the phantom caller hung up, without a word. This happens to me so often, it is not a joke. Housekeeping ring to check that you are in the room. They do not want to knock on the door because they know that the guest would bite their head off. Most hotels have a phone monitoring system whereby they can check every call. They ought to trace the call (which is easily done) and apprehend the staff member who engages in this unforgivable practice. A few weeks ago, while at Coolum again (my clients like to hold conferences near golf courses!) I had arranged for a late check-out. There are always very good reasons. So while trying to get one hour’s sleep, having been up working all night, the phone rang to ask me when I am checking out. My dear hotels, I have never stayed at a hotel where the front desk has ever communicated with the back end. Never. We go to great lengths to book a large conference. We stipulate everything. We ask for certain check-out times. We pay extra. We confirm. We fax. We email. We double check. We obtain signatures. We re-confirm. We have conference calls. We go over everything. We put it in writing. We prepare 30-page run-sheets that are colour-coded and highlighted and stipulated and specified and we go through everything personally with the AV people, the functions people, the events people, the staging folk, the catering staff, the hotel manager, the beverage manager… and on it goes, and never has any one department communicated with another because after all that anally-retentive, fussy finicky detail, we rock up to the hotel and they are scratching their head to locate our booking and they have nothing as planned. Not a single thing. No AV, no monitor, not the microphones we ordered, and only one not four as agreed and paid for. No room allocations as agreed as per our requirements. No-one knows where the boxes are stored. No possibility of a late check-out despite it being agreed to suit our flights and the fact that I get off the stage at 5 pm. ‘Nope, our check-out time is 11 am. Sorry. We moved your bags out of the room,’ she says. Never mind that I need a shower. How bloody dare they! Hey, don’t worry. It happens all the time. No really. All the flipping time. Unbelievable. Just so that you do not think I am exaggerating, I have to make sure you get it: it happens all the jolly time. And the response: ‘Sorry, no one told me about it, and there is nothing we can do. Your event starts at 9:00, and the equipment you want is at the other end of town, and it will take three hours to set it up. If you had told us last night…’ How many stranglings take place at hotels?

And everyone wonders why the CIA was not communicating so well with the FBI at the time of the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington. Those terrorists were known. They were apprehended, and they were let go and let loose because the left hand did not know what the right hand was doing. If the reception staff cannot advise the housekeeping staff (or anyone else for that matter), that the guest has a check-out at 4:00 pm, then how do you expect one government bureaucracy to communicate with a totally foreign external bureaucracy? These hotels seem to have every policy under the sun, but none that says, ‘Dear staff member, please use you miniscule brain. That’s what we pay you for.’

NEVER USE A DOUBLE-SIDE DND SIGN

The oldest trick by housekeeping staff is to remove the DND sign, slowly turn it over to the side that reads, ‘Make up my room’ and then knock on the door. If the guest protests about being woken out of bed, the staff would point to the sign and say, ‘Sorry, it’s just that you had indicated that you wanted your room made up.’ At which you will say, ‘No go away!’ at which they will be glad and happy because that is one less room they have to clean, so less work for them! Delicious strategy.

So here is a better way. Use two different signs. One green that on both sides says, ‘Make up my room’. And one red that says on both sides, ‘Do not disturb’. Mind you, although this is a great step in the right direction, sadly, staff now pinch the signs and then knock on the door and insist that there was no sign! You just can’t win.

WHAT ABOUT THE NEW TECHNOLOGY?

Indeed, some hotels have done away with these signs. They place a button in the room, and a light system outside. If the guest presses the DND button, a light illuminates outside. In this way, housekeeping can never say that the sign had been stolen. Does this system work? Not at all, especially at the Rendezvous Hotel in Auckland. Read that article here. Why not review the websites of all the major hotel brands. Within those welcoming promises of bliss and joy, there are clues as to what hotels are all about. I am not asking for miracles. I do not expect people to be perfect. But I do think that we can go a long way if we start by removing staff who have no regard for the most basic tenant of any hotel: REST. I like four-letter words.

For other observations about the Grand Hyatt Melbourne, click here.

The purpose of this article is to highlight the need for managers to delegate. I often say that every senior manager must delegate anything that is possible to delegate, so that they can leave their office and inspect their organisation, with a view to ensuring that the whole establishment can deliver on the promises that are made on behalf of the brand. Whether it’s a hospital or a university or a hotel, senior managers need to monitor and train and cajole and fight and argue and encourage and demand and protest and coach and lead. Unfortunately, the business of management is like a weed. It overgrows everything and becomes a job all its own, to the point where the manager is so smothered, that the primary objectives of management are pushed down the priority scale. This is similar to how some youth listen to music in their car. They pump base to such a degree, that the base becomes an instrument, which in-turn becomes the music. Why else (apart from showing-off and seeking attention) would a rev-head youth play head-banger music using an expensive sound system whose subs are so large, they take up the entire boot-space? The noise becomes the predominant aspect, and the music seems incidental to the thumps and vibrations. So it is in management, where the paperwork and the endless requests by head-office, consume a manager’s attention. This results in inattention; ignoring, by force and distraction, the central aspects of the business. A hotel is all about the guests, and when no-one is conducting the whole show, who notices it most?

Here are my observations, as sent to the Hyatt Regency Coolum hotel on the Sunshine Coast of Australia. The email said:

…my experiences can be itemised in two parts. This letters relates to Part One. I would consider sharing Part Two with you, after I have evaluated the merits of doing so, and if there is interest on your part.

BACKGROUND

There are people who work eight-hours per day. Some work twelve hours every day. My minimum workload is eighteen-hours per day. In fact, this email comes to you at 3:35 am on Tuesday morning. In April, I had such tight deadlines, that I had to work 54 hours non-stop, then a short sleep of less than three hours, and another 42 hours non-stop, then three hours of sleep, plus another 50 hours non-stop. I knew this to be unwise, so I booked into the Hyatt Regency Coolum to take a break before a very important meeting for which I needed to be alert.

In view of this heavy workload, you will appreciate why I noted in my Wotif.com booking that I would appreciate ‘A location that is quiet in the mornings’.

I understand that such requests cannot be guaranteed. However, I would expect that someone would at least have tried, or looked at the request and advised me of the outcome. Unfortunately, I was placed in room 307, which is the first room after the Village Square, and next to the games room, and the family pool. No location could have been noisier, made more vibrant by the school holiday-makers, and what I later learned was an almost full house.

SPIDERS AND COCKROACHES

Upon check-in, I ticked the box that asked the operator to ‘not acknowledge my presence’. I wanted to avoid phone calls and disruptions. As you can imagine, my body-clock was out, so that night, I placed the ‘Do not disturb’ sign on the door, hoping to escape the world.

My first night was most uncomfortable. There were many reasons for this, on which I will not comment at this stage. Having travelled the world and stayed at the grandest of hotels, I believe that most hotels miss the mark when it comes to comfort. However, this is not the purpose of this letter, so I shall not make any comments about your hotel’s general layout and operation at this stage.

Notwithstanding, I feel that you should know the primary reason for my lack of sleep. It was the cockroaches that had infested my room and bathroom. There were ten of them on the bathroom floor, and ten or so around the wash basin. I killed what I could, using the soap container. And more emerged later, endlessly.

I felt and saw spiders crawling on me, and this horrible feeling played on my mind, whereby the slightest touch or itch made me jump. I got out of bed and worked at the desk, only to notice a spider crawling up my leg, because I later found that the bottom part of the desk was a good place for a spider to spin its web.

To the left of the desk (on the floor and window bay) there were other types of insects, which means that your housekeeping staff could not have ever vacuumed that area. It was evident that housekeeping did not bother to run the vacuum cleaner along the corners.

By 3:00 am, I could see no end to the insects, including ants, so I called the front desk and had a can of inspect spray delivered.

I understand that the resort enjoys a lush natural bush environment. In fact, I live in a similar environment in Sydney, yet my home is spotless. It is possible to control pests better than this, even though I know that some guests might leave crumbs and the like. However, this is why housekeeping and maintenance are employed. I sprayed as much as I could, and endured the horrible smell from the can (not wanting to open a window for fear of more insects). The staff member told me that it is the spray-can that he keeps by the front desk. If insects are a natural part of resort life, why is this fact never mentioned in your literature? And why are cans of inspect spray not provided in every room?

That night, I went to bed without brushing my teeth, not wanting to touch the toothbrush, wondering how many insects had crawled over it. I cannot remember the last time I did not brush my teeth. That was an uncomfortable situation.

As for the insect repellent/gel satchels; I found those on the third day, by accident, in one of the drawers. Considering that all the drawers were empty, why would a guest be expected to look for something that is not known to be available? These satchels should be placed on the desk.

Later, in the stillness of the night, I heard a rustle in the wardrobe. I dreaded the thought of my clothes becoming infested. So up out of bed again, and I found a cockroach crawling up my jacket. I sprayed it, and it fell next to the safe. I left it there, expecting housekeeping to deal with it.

After vacating the room later that morning, I returned to find that the cockroach had gone. Only later, when accessing the safe, did I realise that the cockroach had been pushed to the bottom shelf and pushed back to the corner. So I brought it forward and waited to see if the cleaner would attend to it the next day. Alas not. It remained there the entire time.

By the time I had checked out, I had gone through two cans of Mortien, having run out of the first, and receiving the second can at 2:00 am the second night after another horrible itchy experience amidst even more insects. I mentioned the insects to one of the housekeeping staff. Nothing was done. The cockroach by the safe remained! The cleaning staff the next day did nothing about it. So now we have the front desk lady, the housekeeping lady, the two gentlemen who brought me the cans in the early hours: that’s four people who knew that something was not right. Did anyone ring any alarm bells? Who cares, I wonder?

I know of people who have an unbelievable and hysterical reaction to spiders and insects. I wonder how they would cope in a room like Room 307. It is a sight to behold, watching someone who is genuinely arachnophobic. I have such a person in my family. Their fits of hysterics are unfathomable. I kept thinking how lucky it was that they did not travel with me.

DO NOT DISTURB

After that horrible first night, I managed to get to sleep at around 8:00 am. At 9:25 am, the doorbell rang. I called out, but no-one answered, so I went to the door in time to see the small buggy driving off. Outside my door were two totes, containing the fresh linen. I had the ‘Do not disturb’ sign hanging outside, so why did housekeeping deliver the linen and press the doorbell?

This type of thing happens all around the world. So I became agitated and could not rest. I took a photo of the sign, and I then removed the sign and placed it inside for a very good reason. As a world traveller, I have often jumped out of bed to protest about the disturbance, only to be told that there was no sign, or to see that housekeeping had sneakily turned the sign around to the ‘Make up my room’ side, to plead innocence. Such staff think that they are clever, except that people like me place that sign there with serious intent. So fearing that after I called the duty manager to complain, someone would come back and steal the sign or turn it around, I took a photo and retrieved it, just to prove my sanity, because it becomes futile to argue with a manager who will insist that the sign was incorrectly placed, or was never placed, or was pinched in the night by unruly guests.

So after my heavy deadlines of working three-days-and-nights in a row, three times over, and after another restless night chasing spiders and cockroaches and the smell of Mortein, not to mention the band in the Village singing the nauseating ‘Ce-le-brate Good Times, Come On!’ and the joviality and frivolity of young and old running around, and my utter exhaustion, I managed to sleep for one hour and 25 minutes until the doorbell rang.

Why oh why would a resort that boasts about tranquillity, hire staff who do not understand the basics of the leisure industry?

If a tree had fallen through the window, or if flooding had necessitated an evacuation, one would put it down to Mother Nature. If a gas bottle had exploded or if a buggy had ploughed through the door, one could understand human nature, and accept that unfortunate mistakes and errors do happen. However, a staff member ringing the doorbell, knowing that the guest was checked-in for three days, and knowing that there is no major function or conference to which one would need to rush, what can it be other than complete and utter disrespect? This was not an oversight. It was not an error. It was not an accident. It was not an inadvertent slip-up. This was not lack of training. It was nothing more than pre-meditated disrespect of the highest order, born of a management structure that boasts about world-class facilities, yet allows staff to break the codes of conduct and therefore destroy the Hyatt brand that hangs its hat on its understanding of the customer. I recall staying at another Hyatt property and watching a long promotional in-room video wherein senior and junior Hyatt staff spoke about the customer as being the most important aspect of the business. I did not believe it then, and I do not believe it now.

Sure, I know that not all staff members buy into a company’s ethos. Yet, who’s to blame? The managers who allow this type of person to hang on to their job! Any person who shows a blatant disregard to hotel guests must also exhibit this level of disdain within other aspects of the business. This means that the colleagues and managers are blind, or they are all of the same ilk, to allow this type of behaviour to continue.

At 9:30 am, after taking the photo and being so agitated that I could not possibly rest, I called the front desk and complained. I received a nice apology. I was polite and I left it at that. What good is an apology? Hotels were born because humans need to sleep. One day, with bio-tech and nano-tech, we will have pills that would enable us to skip sleeping. What will become of hotels? I arrived at your hotel after three days of no sleep (having done this shift three times in ten days). Unbelievable, I know. And after flights and transfers and an insect hunt, I managed just one hour and twenty minutes. When I mentioned the insects in my room, the front-desk staff member (duty manager) offered to move me to another room. I declined, simply because I could not be sure that any other room was any better, and I was run-down and did not have the energy to re-pack.

During the three days at your resort, I did not take a shower in my room. I did not touch the amenities. I went to the spa to use the toilet and shower facilities. I did not touch a towel for fear of squashing an insect to my face. I did not use my room. I really just wanted to hibernate in my room. Instead, I sat outside the spa, moving the chair around to catch what little sun the walls allowed. Your caretaker / spa-attendant will no doubt recall this lonely guy sitting there, jotting notes. One guest thought there was something wrong with me. I just wanted to be alone, and preferably in my room, but I lived on the lawn for three days. On the odd occasion, I went to the pool, but I did not want to hear people chatting. I wanted quiet! I would have loved to have stayed in my room to enjoy room service etc. No such luck.

Now that I had a taste of such bad hospitality, I was on high alert, and so I started taking notes. Here are some of the many…

SECURITY

There are certain standards required by the building codes, which affect fire escapes and safety. There were many anomalies. By way of example, the doors leading from the spa reception to the men’s change room, do not comply with regulations. The first door can be locked from the outside, yet the second door can be locked from the inside, and this means that it is technically possible, albeit improbable (but we live in strange times) for a guest to be caged in, unable to escape. This is a safety risk. Photos are attached, showing the handles, along with a video.

I began taking notes about security (and I have a long list for another time!) after the receptionist at the spa asked for my room key, to verify that I was entitled to use the facility, and to provide me with a locker key. Indeed, I was given a locker key, but the receptionist kept my card. I told her that I was uncomfortable with that.

I know that the Innkeepers Act limits a hotel’s liability, but do you think that your hotel would be cleared of any wrongdoing where bad policies are in place? Here is why: as you know, hotels moved away from the old-fashioned locks and keys, for many good reasons. The new swipe-cards offered great advantages, including the ability to keep cards totally unmarked so that if a card is found by a stranger, no-one could guess the door it opens. However, upon check-in, your guests are given a green plastic pouch/wallet, which contains a piece of paper on which is the guest’s name, room number, check-out date, and signature. That is a huge security risk. Anyone who drops their wallet is providing way too much information to a would-be thief who could access the room. I would suggest that a good lawyer acting for an aggrieved guest, could argue that the hotel was negligent.

With safety and security top of mind, I asked the lady to return my card. She took umbrage at that suggestion. She said that no-one else had complained, and that the cards had never gone missing from behind the counter. I explained that I had vital information in my room, including computer equipment and a host of expensive personal effects, as well as corporate material, and that I did not think it safe nor wise of me to surrender my wallet that made it all too easy for someone to ransack my room. Most establishments baulk at the idea of safety and security, until something untoward happens to them, and then they promise a full inquiry. Any defence lawyer would argue that I was equally negligent to surrender my room key. So after a small unpleasant encounter, I allowed her to keep the key and the wallet, but I removed the slip of paper that contained my room number, name, and signature. Why am I the first one to spot this oversight? Why all this unpleasant opposition? Why must I make my presence felt, when I went to the spa to relax and to unwind (and to have a shower because I did not want to set foot in the shower that had insects lurking, even though I killed a few of them like a mug).

By the way, how can this spa speak of relaxation when within a stone’s throw over the fence was a red helicopter that was buzzing away in what I presume was a joy-flight. It would accelerate up and swoop down in a manner that makes me believe that the pilot was trying to scare the passengers. The chopper was loud and menacing and it disturbed all the people lazing by the pool. Apart from the noise and smell of fuel, I was extremely concerned for my safety. How can that chopper be granted a licence to perform such acrobatics within a few metres of innocent people by the pool? In my assessment, any accident (which is highly probable considering the way that pilot was performing like a dare devil) would have endangered innocent bystanders at the pool. I was sitting there when the joy flight was taking place, and I decided to move away. I am safety-conscious, and both technically-minded and mechanically-minded enough to know that an accident would be devastating. Are you sure that someone has appropriate clearance to fly in that way, in that area? Something is not right. Does your insurance company know about this? Where’s the bliss?

CARE FOR THE ENVIRONMENT

There was a sign in the spa that asked guests to care for the environment by conserving water and energy. Yet, during the three days that I was there, I noticed that the external lights that line the perimeter of the garden outside the spa, were on well past 1:00 pm. On one occasion, the lights were on until 4:00 pm in the afternoon. I was there during excellent weather when the sun was shining brightly.

BLISS AND SERENITY

The five million dollar upgrade to the spa was interesting. There were many things about it that did not make sense. I took many photos. The one aspect that I will mention now is this: imagine what you would do if one of your guests sat in the spa area, holding his leather shoes, and slapping them together every 30 or 60 seconds. The loud sound would echo and disturb the guests. Many would complain, and I can imagine that such a scenario, posed to your security officers and to your duty managers, would result in an executive-decision to ask the guest to either stop or leave the premises. Anyone making such a disturbing sound in a quiet relaxation-area would be thrown out. Pray tell, how can a five million dollar upgrade not include a door to the men’s sauna that does not slam? Imagine having ten or twenty guests using your facilities. Each going in and out of the sauna three times during their visit. That means 20 x 3 = 60. So we can expect that at best, we hear the door slam every minute. You can test this by going to the sauna and opening the door, and just letting it go, and listening to the slamming. I have attached a video, which I took with my low-quality camera-phone. The sound is not synchronised, but it illustrates this. Given that your $5,000,000 upgrade was completed around six months ago, I do not understand how such a facility can allow this type of thing to happen.

[Here is the audio from the video. The first slam is followed by two repeat slams as the door bounced back against itself from the force of the hinges which needed no help to close. The door is simply released. The original sound is much louder. Noise-cancellation technology on my computer has muffled the booming echo that guests must endure.]

Please note that I am not really complaining about the door. I am illustrating the culture. How can staff not notice the lights on, or the noise, or a range of many other things (dozens) that I noticed? It says to me that they do not care. And it is none of my business, except that your brochures lead me to presume that your resort is of a certain standard that, clearly, your staff is unable to meet. This, therefore, borders on false advertising. The brochure says that the Spa ‘evokes total relaxation and well-being…’

HEALTHY FOOD

I specifically asked the two ladies in the T’Go takeaway shop if the sandwiches contained onion. The sign had said ‘salad’. It did not specify the ingredients. I explained that I could not eat onions (allergy) and both staff members were confident that the sandwiches did not contain onions.

I went to sit in the sun, and I found out, the hard way, that in fact the sandwiches did contain onions. So I returned them. It spoilt my lunch. I drank the water and went for a walk, with a bad taste in my mouth. No lunch for me.

The next morning (after that doorbell incident) I decided to have a healthy breakfast at Bruschetta’s, and asked for an omelette. The lady-cook was standing behind the counter, and there were no other diners keen on utilising this service, despite the restaurant being full. So I approached and noticed that the fry pan contained what seemed like 4 mm of oil. No less than 3 mm. I needed a healthy meal. I had binged on chocolate bars, after months of resisting that temptation. The lady said that she cannot remove the oil lest the eggs stick to the pan. I smiled, and walked away, and that was the end of that. Again, this is none of my business, but it was bemusing that the pan was like a pan one would expect to see on the streets of a dirty third-world country. The attached photo shows you how unappealing it is. How can a Hyatt resort like yours, that attracts Royalty and Heads of State and celebrities, spend five million to upgrade a spa, and untold millions on the property, cater using such ghastly utensils?

The continental breakfast was almost appealing, except that the fruit flies spoilt any desire for fruit. The hazards of a bush environment: or perhaps bad kitchen hygiene.

Again, you are entitled to serve it up any which way you like. It’s just that your in-room compendium contained a letter from the Executive Chef, Mr Thomas Angerer, who says, ‘My mission is to provide you with great food and memorable dining experiences while you are our guest… and all chefs are charged with catering to the individual tastes of our diners. Most dietary requests can be accommodated…’

In this day and age, asking for an egg to be cooked without lashings of oil is not a tall order. A staff member who can refuse a basic request, and who allows a guest to walk away, is failing to deliver on this mission. It wasn’t as if Basil Fawlty had asked for an elephant’s ear marinated in suitcase sauce on a sesame seed bun. It was just an egg.

One night I was out for a long walk, and I did not realise the operating hours of the Pizzeria. I noticed that the sliding doors were half-shut. I said to the main staff member/chef, ‘Oh, are you closing?’ and he said ‘Yes, it’s all packed up’. As you know, often it is how something is said, as opposed to what is said. I took that tone to mean, ‘Go away, tough luck, too bad, good bye’.

So I said, ‘Well, can I just grab an ice cream?’ And he said, ‘No. The cash registers are closed now’. Is there no other way to handle this? Is the staff member so exhausted and so fed up that he could not find a way to either take cash, charge it the next day, take an IOU, or even give a guest an ice cream and keep the peace? A $3.00 item might cost the resort around $2.00. Is it too much to find a way to either charge the room the next day or even give the jolly thing away, considering that a disgruntled guest could easily waste more than $2.00 worth of products at breakfast or at any of the facilities? Or, was the Pizzeria not part of the resort, and therefore unable to think of terms of brand control or guest satisfaction? In which case, one would think that in this climate, one cannot afford to lose a sale — especially such a simple sale that takes two seconds to fulfil. I would not be waxing about this so much if it were not for the fact that, three minutes later, while standing around in the Village Square, I saw a guest approach the Pizzeria, just like I had. The doors were still half-shut. I noticed that the guest walked away with at least three ice creams. I pulled out my camera phone, but sadly the bad light and the distance meant that I could not capture the proof for you. Why could that guest purchase ice creams, while I was refused? Was it a different staff member? If so, was it a case of a staff member being too weak to enact the policies and to refuse a sale, or was it an excellent initiative to satisfy a customer? If so, what authority does that second staff member have over the first who refused me? Such variances in standard point to other frailties within the culture.

NUDITY

Room 307 is the first in that line of rooms. It is therefore one of the rooms that would see a lot of traffic. Dozens of people would walk past the window of the room’s toilet and bathroom. The frosted glass windows do not have any form of cover. No curtains. No modesty screens. When the room lights are on, a person walking past can see everything. How embarrassing it must be for people using the toilet or the bath etc, or even stepping out of the shower, or men standing by the toilet facing out to a darkened world outside, when in fact, everything is perfectly visible. I hung a white bathrobe on a hanger and hooked it to the ceiling just so that I could take a photo for you. The attached photo clearly shows how a white bathrobe can be seen, using a low-grade camera (my camera is very bad). Imagine a human standing behind that glass, with body shapes and tones. How on earth can that situation be permitted? With the darkness outside, a guest has no idea who is walking past and glancing in. It won’t be long before some celebrity sues when their photos or videos end up on YouTube or in a trashy magazine that would pay handsomely for all sorts of compromising photos. This photo was taken during the day. Imagine the effect at night when the inside is lit up, using a good camera, which most people have on their phone, and whose contents can be blogged or sent to CNN within ten seconds!

What is even worse than this is the air vent at the top of these windows. Anyone standing at street level can look right through the air vents and see right through to the bed! Someone on the bed, while the door to the bathroom is open, can be seen by anyone walking past. Add a zoom lens to the equation, and we have the Full Monty, and the guest has no idea who is outside. The one saving grace is that the air vents are so filthy and clogged up, that one is afforded a modicum of privacy, but a steady hand on that camera will still do the trick. How embarrassing. No doubt the insects love these openings.

CONCLUSION

I have just touched on a few aspects. There are several more to go, reserved for Part Two, should you be interested. It all depends on how you respond to Part One, keeping in mind that I am not demanding a response. It is purely up to you. I do not need to be appeased. I am not trying to vent my frustration. It just seems to me that your establishment projects a world-class image, yet it is completely sub-standard in many aspects. I feel sorry that I have to use this type of tone to express my experiences.

Naturally, there are many areas where your resort deserves praise. And I understand how difficult it can be for you to be completely across the whole property. As a traveller who stays in dozens of hotels each year, I have seen some terrible things. It still amazes me that most hotels have no idea how to construct an environment for the guests. If you think that my observations above were of value, keep in mind that I have many other observations that I think need attention, but I am not going to tell the Hyatt how to run its business. I am merely outlining why my experience was shocking and why it is not fair to lure me and my money and not deliver on the basics!

My camera phone is low quality, so the attached photos are unclear. However, they should give some idea of what I noticed. I made the photos smaller so as to reduce the size of this file. If you like, I can send you the larger versions, where each photo is just under one megabyte.

I wish you every success.

Yours sincerely

P.S. I used to stay at a 5-star hotel in Melbourne, and for years, it was as bad/good as any other. Then one day I walked in and the air was charged. The atmosphere was different. The tone was new. Nothing had changed in physical terms. No new carpets and no new paint. No new uniforms. But something huge was present, every which way I turned. It was intangible and evident and strong and vibrant. I wanted to figure it out. The penny dropped. I thought to myself, there must be a new General Manager. I phoned the operator and asked to be put through to the GM’s office. ‘Hello… etc, how long have you been GM?’ I asked. He had been there only two months. He asked me why I was calling. He was fearful that I was about to complain about something. I said, ‘I would really like to meet you for two minutes. I have stayed at your hotel over a period of five years, and this week, I am amazed by the evident and unmistakable energy, excellence, and intelligence around me.’
 I had to meet the GM who could do this. Wow. 
It is so easy, yet so hard, yet so jolly easy.

UPDATE

After sending the email, I received this response:

‘Thank you for your comments on your recent stay. I will not bother you by going into detail on each item. Allow me to simply apologise for your lack of peace and quiet, and general enjoyment. We can do better! All I ask is that you consider returning as our guest for two nights and I am sure we will restore your confidence in our organisation. Please consider this offer and advise me of your thoughts. The offer includes a complimentary room and breakfast.’

I declined the offer. The hotel sent a partial refund of $360, which I cashed six months later when I found a worthy cause for a donation of services and material to a registered charity.

The Hyatt never asked me for Part 2 of my observations. There were many other issues which I will publish shortly. I did happen to stay at the hotel once again a few weeks ago due to a client conference, and nothing had changed, except that there were no cockroaches in my room, so I enjoyed a shower, which had one of the best water pressures of any hotel. On another positive note, there is a modest restaurant in the Village Square called Noodles. The chefs make this Thai salad that is out of this world. The spices, chilli, and lime/lemon combine to activate every gland in the mouth. This dish was so delicious, that I ordered two, and treated my taste-buds to an explosion that at times was eye-watering and, even more so, mouth watering, literally, because it spikes every saliva gland in the mouth. If you are on the Sunshine Coast, a detour to Noodles is worthwhile, just to experience this dish. I would certainly do it if I were in the area. Also highly rated by me is the dessert selection at Bruschetta Restaurant. I can always tell a good flan by its short-bread style base.

Incidentally, those who think that I worry too much, might do well to remember that a few weeks prior, a helicopter crashed on the Gold Coast at Dreamworld, during a joy ride. The news made it all around the world. Even the ‘Turkish Weekly’ picked up the story.