Jonar Nader poses eight questions that all corporations must ask of themselves to test whether or not they can survive the pressures of the future. This is Part Two. Further below is a transcript of the video.
Here is the transcript:
Jonar Nader: Yes, who aggress with that? Yes. They were never there to help anybody in the first place. And so what do we end up with? Complaints. And what do they do? Consume your time, energy, and effort. And when we file complaints, “I’m too busy. I’m the manager. Talk to that person.” And that person became a 500 strong department. Remember, building a 5-storey building did not make our company. A 5-storey building, and I said, “Wow. Can I have one of those offices?” They said, “No. They are for none of you people. They are for the help desks.” Five storeys of help desks. Well, it’s very easy. I said, “Has anyone gone to the warehouse and worked out why this thing doesn’t work?” None. No one’s thought to fix the root of the problem.
Jonar Nader: Well, I’m putting it to you your help desk will be a thing of the past because they’re an absolute waste of time, energy and effort and it’s because of the gutless one that’s at the top who call themselves executives and drive their fancy cars? You haven’t got a clue, and they say to me, “The customer is genuinely with an American accent.” I’m sorry, because, you know. They say, “You know, Jonar,” they sing a lot, these Americans. I can teach you how to speak Americans very simple. All you need to know is four words and you’re going to have a conversation with Bill all day long. “Uh-huh? Oh, really? Sure. Great.” You can just go, “Uh-huh? Really? Sure? Great,” all day long and he’ll think you’re a yank.
Jonar Nader: In large corporates where help desks are involved, customers say that help desks are impersonal. They say that they want to resolve their issue, but 40% of them say, “I hung up and never got anywhere.” Customers who want to choose their own agent, they like speaking to Mary, “I want to speak to Mary.” “No, sorry, you can’t speak to Mary. Just dial the one, three number.” You never get the assigned person again. You have to repeat yourself again. If you say, “Escalate me,” they go, “I can’t escalate you,” escalate me. I was on to a large company that day and they wouldn’t escalate me. And I said – and I had to, that’s why I record myself – I said, “What would you say if I said there’s a bomb in your building?” Boy, I was escalated, quick smart. That’s how bad it for knowing the legalities I was standing in for here, 10 phone calls.
Jonar Nader: And that’s 98% of people say, “Can I talk to Mary again, please? I want the person I want to talk to” and calls that it could have been avoided, because stupidity is a waste of money. Boy, when I see all this business about, oh, we have to retrench 500 people, why? Retrench yourself first because it was your stupid decision in the company. One of these days, they’re going to take their responsibility seriously. Staff say managers do not understand. The staff at the help desk are abused left, right and center and they say, “I go to my management and my management doesn’t understand.” And these – the yanks, used to say to me is customers want this and that. And you can silence them by saying, “Name two.” They’re never so much as being out to meet a customer. And they’re telling me, people like black and what – how do you know they like black computers or whatever you’re selling?
Jonar Nader: Staff say say, “Managers do not understand.” They are frustrated to death. And they got this junior supposed supervisors who are on a power hungry trip and and no one can understand what’s going on. And, finally – not that I’ve ended, these are just finally on this segment. It’s a long way to go. “Where is John K? Who’s keeping time here? Listen, here is, here is the final one, the exit poll. You know they I keep asking you questions. Like I love it when I check in to every hotel in the world and there’s the “Please, give us your comments.” I just loved that. What do you want my comments for? It says, “Was the TV working?” Why you’re asking me? You go up there. You check the TV and you tell me if it’s working. “Was the hairdryer working?” Goodness gracious, I don’t want anymore surveys.
Jonar Nader: You know what I want? I want exit polls. Just before you hang up, it goes beep, beep, “Excuse me, Mr. Nader, before you hang up, this is a robot talking, can you please tell us: Do you think we’re a bunch of rat bags? Press one for yes, two for no.” Beep. Did we answer your question? One for yes, two for no. Beep. “And would you like a senior executive to call you back straight away to resolve your problem? Press one for yes, two for no.” So all these three questions I want, very simple. And there, linking to the executive screen is the immediate blip by blip as to how many people think that they are happy with you, frustrated with you. Tell me there and then on the spot I want to know how to run my business, not a year later when, for example, the survey comes through that’s been washed and milled and hygienically cleansed by everybody from their ad agency to the PR agency to the consultant to the marketing department and gets the, “Hey, no one knows what’s going on.” Get your exit polls happening. Ask on the spot and there you will know what customers think of you.
Jonar Nader: In all of the sectors that we studied over a five-year period, customers willing to engage in an exit poll is very high as 77%. Executives who can respond, executives who said, “Yes, if I knew, I could respond, 14%. Most executives know that they live in a complex bureaucratic hell hole and they don’t quite know what to do about any customer who complains about anything because they have – we have this thing called metrics management that the yanks brought in to us. Thanks very much. And metrics management says, “I’ll do my bit and I don’t care what you do with it.” And no one – I can’t find anyone responsible. I work for large companies. I suggest that we have to change the paper from – I think it was 70 gsm, because we save money to 80 because it kept jamming in the photocopier. I said, “I want 80 gsm photocopy paper.” It took seven people and like months and I never even got around to doing it because everyone was responsible – one for the paper, one for the color, one for the purchasing manager, one for the pricing one. Forget it.
Jonar Nader: And what about executives willing to be paid on the results of the exit poll? Hardly anyone? Managers admit that they have no power. And the investors who do want to know what the exit poll is, the investors who own the company say, “Oh, yes, we all want to know.” Are you willing to implement one? No. They don’t want to know. What can that do to my share price? I don’t know. I just want to sell.
Jonar Nader: Where is John? He’s come and gone. How many minutes have I got? Ten minutes. They called me into their North Sydney office; I was telling you, so I got distracted. And they said, “We want you to answer all these questions.” And I said, “When is your conference?” And they said, “29 November to 2 December.” I said, “You all can do that in three days.” He said, “No. You’ve got 55 and a half minutes.” He’s learned my trick. And that’s just like when my teacher used to gamble down the street. I went to Holy Cross College in Ryde. Down the street was a TAB betting shop, a betting shop. And he would set us to work with a huge amount of questions and he’d go on bet. And one day, he walked in and he said, “Class, I want you to develop for me an essay in three parts covering religion, royalty, sex, and mystery.” So he thought that it’d keep us busy. And as he was walking out the door, “Finished, sir,” said little Mary. “Mary, do you mean to tell me that in two seconds flat you have written for me a three part essay covering religion, royalty, sex, and mystery? I want to hear it.” So up she got and she read. “Oh, my god”, said the Princess. “I think I’m pregnant. I wonder who done it?” So as long as you get the job done.