Jonar Nader says that success is not about ‘getting’ but about ‘getting rid of’ the things that steal your energy. He also warns against the disease of abdication, whereby people expect others to do things for them. Further below is a transcript of the video.
Here is the transcript:
Jane: Yes, and it’s good book for thinkers when we find out more with a thinker, who is the author, and it’s Jonar Nader.
Hello, Jonar. Welcome.
Jonar Nader: Hi, thanks. Jane.
Jane: How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People? It’s all about conquering your life and your workplace.
Jonar Nader: Yes. Well, the title is funny that people say, “Do you really mean that I should lose friends?” Surely, it mean for me to win friends and I say,” What I want you to do is to learn the opposites of everything you have been taught.” You can never be successful unless you understand yourself. You can never be successful unless you understand how to work with others. And even then you can’t be successful unless you understand the environment, the modern world, the digital age in which we live. So, therefore, the book is in straight path because it says, “Let’s look at how to develop ourselves, how to work with others, and how to understand the environment in which we work.”
And one of the single biggest things we can do about success, for example, people say “What are the secrets to success?” and I say, “It is not about amassing things, but about discarding things.” I mean, how many of us think, “Well, if I have a lovely car, and lovely home, and lots of money, that’s success.”
No, for me, it’s “Have I gotten rid of the intimidators? Have I gotten rid of the people who set my energy and set my time?” because when you wake in the morning, you have this much energy. And someone steals your car and you – how much energy you’re going to give to that? And then your boss intimidates you, how much energy you’re going to give to that? We have to decide that we are just a little bundle of energy. Let’s not let people steal it away from us.
Jane: What if we don’t have the personality to be like that? What if we’re really frail and shy and we can’t do it?
Jonar Nader: Well, but you see, being powerful to take control of your life isn’t about having this apt of personality, it’s about you deciding. For example, if I say “I don’t’ like your shirt, or your hair” or whatever, are you going to let that thought penetrate you and make you upset? Do you know there are some people who go through the whole day upset because their boss said something? And you go, “Hang on a minute.” No one is authorized to upset you, so you don’t have to have an extrovert personality.
Anybody must realize that no one is authorized to upset you. Why give the key to your confidence to someone else? And many of us live in this abdication society and we give everything to the other person. We give our career to our teachers and we say, ”Go on, educate me.” We give our happiness to our lover and we say, “Go ahead, make me happy.” We give our welfare to our government and we say, “Go ahead, look after me.” And so, all our lives, we give our whole control to other people. It’s not about having…
Jane: And then there’s nothing left for us, and so we’ve been…
Jonar Nader: Well, we don’t know…
Jane: Become insecure.
Jonar Nader: We don’t know how to take charge because then when you are left out in the wind and you’re left to control your own destiny, you can’t because you’ve never actually being taught how to do it.
Jane: Well, I know we’re out of time but this is success in marriage, in work, in laws…
Jonar Nader: In all areas…
Jane: Everything in the book.
Jonar Nader: Because, actually, although we work and some of us don’t work, whatever, we all live. And when you go to bed, ask yourself, “What’s tormenting me?” And usually, it’s just everything to do with life.
Jane: It’s so true. We worry about all the things that we shouldn’t worry about because we haven’t got the power within us. So, let’s just say, “I’m going to get rid of that and think about something positive.” We need to – Robin, we need to read this from cover to cover. It’s 1995 recommended retail in good bookstores available everywhere. Your sixth book?
Jonar Nader: Yes.
Jane: And two more to come, you are a winner.
Jonar Nader: Thank you.
Jane: Thank you. What do you think – what do you think?
Jonar Nader: I think it’s a great idea, and I really subscribe to everything that you’re saying. I’m hundred percent with you.